Lazy Saturday

Well well, its been awhile since i had a lazy saturday... Its not so bad actually, i can well, catch up on slacking and lazing around and not forgetting improving my relationship with my mama by gossiping with her about my grandmother.

Yep, after living my life for 2 decades, i realised that as i grow older, i talk my mummy less.
One thing is probably because i have my own things to do, i always get cooped up in my room and my mum in her own room watching tv, my dad in the living room watching his tv as well... It has been like that for quite some time, all of us will be in our own little space.

I seldom talk to my dad, not because i hate him but because i have nohing to say to him. Why? Because since young i was always looked after by my grandparents. (maternal) Both parents working, my grandpa send me to school and picks me up from school. Bring me to my swimming class, picks me up from swimming class. After that i will go back to my gramp's place for lunch and do my homework until my mum returns. My dad? he will go back to his mother's house for dinner everyday without fail..

On weekends, its my mum that brings me out, well even though my dad doesnt work on weekends, he doesnt bring me out, he doesnt bring me and my mum out. The furthest place i have been with him is to my grandmother's(paternal) place during chinese new year. We dont talk, he doesnt come to my room and talk to me, ask me how am i coping with my studies etc. On weekends, he will go out himself, and come back at night. It has been like that for well, maybe since i started to "Dong Shi".

On the contrary, I started talking more to my dad nowadays. Well, I tried to communicate, but its tough, i just dont feel close to him, i have even more to talk about with my uncle as compared to my dad. No one told me what to expect in the army, coz dad didnt served the army, my uncle was pes C9L2, my other uncle was a Policeman since NS. So little blur me, bumped around here and there inside BMTC,OCS & 6SIR came out stronger and ended my military life with a 'BANG'. Now as i embark on my journey in persuing a higher education in National University of Singapore, all decisions made were not by my parents, not me, but my aunt. Why? Because she is a graduate, and somebody who really worked very hard to achieve what she had attained. Although she's someone i respect and listen to as her comments are usually more useful and holds more weight, i sometimes would rather my not so educated parents to offer some form of advice and not say: "Ask Aunty Wendy and see what she says." I would rather decide on my own sometimes, and sometimes you know that, following your heart is the next best thing to do when ur brains dont work.

I just lived by my teenage years 'like that' i never enjoyed how being a teen was i was always making decisions about myself, my life and whatsoever, now im entering adulthood and the process of making decisions will carry on even further now. Thus i feel too grown up for my age. I feel so tired with life. I sometimes just wanna be a child and throw tantrums around all over again...

Ok, guess i bitched enough, its time to go back to reading my readings to prep for Monday's Tutorial...